It was my birthday yesterday. There were so many things on my mind. It was my last birthday in college. I don’t know when my next birthday comes where i will be and where my friends will be. The day started in a perfect way. I felt so special. As the day progressed I felt perfectly happy.
I have been troubled and sad for 2 years. I could never concentrate on anything else. I was afraid, scared, haunted by nightmares but for a few months I feel at peace. Last birthday I made a promise to myself. This birthday i could see it coming true.
But the night turned out to be unexpected. I cant believe people can behave in such a wrong way. Somewhere deep down I still believe the bed time stories told by my grandmother where wrong doers are punished moreover they are ashamed and feel sorry for their doings. That is important to me that people realise their mistake. But yesterday I couldn’t believe as they lied on my face. I felt terribly angry. Sometimes I forget who I am and I think if I can scold people and shout at them they will realise their mistake. I am stupid to think that. I know. But i cant control myself when I see people talking like that. I felt so bad that so many people were disturbed because of me. But it was either tolerating that or speaking up. Every time I tolerate that kind of thing I end up feeling bad and under confident. I wanted to speak up. I wanted them to be punished. I had nightmares again.
But I felt bad for the situation. I felt scared for my friends. And yes at night I fell weak, emotionally weak. I just wanted to lean on someone. I did it again. Those few months of peace I lost in a single day. I just have to change my attitude. I have to be more practical and strong. I wish I could go just a few weeks back.